After Breakup – How to Move On Even If You Couldn’t

Have you had a breakup with someone close to you? Maybe it’s someone you have dated for a while, a girlfriend or a boyfriend, a fiancé, a spouse or a special other – someone whom you cherish and hold dear.  Suddenly, you find yourself alone because that someone called it quits and it hurts so much, you don’t feel like living.

However like a show on-stage, life must go on. The huge challenge that beset you now is how to do it. How can you fix a heart that has been shattered into million pieces? There is no quick fix at all. Somehow though, little baby steps like these below would help you move on even if you think you couldn’t.

1. Breath, live. All you need to do now is breath. You need to keep breathing in order to keep living. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, an estimated 11 attempted suicides occur per every suicide death. Research shows that some of the risk factors for suicide are depression, separation (or divorce), substance abuse or mental disorders. So, rule number one is to remember that you NEED to breath, suicide does not solve anything – keep breathing.

2. Love yourself. In every relationship, whether romantic or not, it takes two to tango. Your relationship failed because the other participant decided to stop, and it’s not your fault. Do not second guess yourself. You might have done something wrong, but it’s not entirely your fault. Stop at that. We all commit mistakes and loving yourself means recognizing your shortcomings, taking responsibility and not beating yourself up over it. What’s done was done, it’s counterproductive to relive the pain.

3. Live as if it were your last. What activities would you do if you were on your own? Do you have hobbies or interests you might want to pursue? If there is none, maybe it’s time for you to have one. Join clubs and go out with people who share the same interests. Go on vacation to a place where you can do some scuba diving, white water rafting or para-sailing. If you cannot be that active, how about attending a bonsai growing class or an art class?

4. Smile. This is the time when you have to fake it till you make it. Whenever you feel like crying, go into a private place and do so. Let your emotion run its course and never suppress it. Doing so only leads to more psychological and physical problems in the long run. After crying, gently wipe the tears away. Retouch your make-up and smile at yourself in front of the mirror. Pat yourself on the back for being honest about your feelings and for making it through the day. Remember how that smile looks on yourself, and keep it in your mind. When you are out in public, you can re-create that honest smile and feel better.

5. Eat healthy, stay fit and be active. While emotional eating is more common with women, alcohol abuse goes across the board. You should make a conscious decision to lead a healthy lifestyle starting with a healthy, balanced diet and a sufficient amount of water to drink – not alcohol or soda.

Likewise, getting you motivated to move around can also become a huge struggle, so take it easy. Visit a gym closest to your apartment and chat with a trainer. It may sound pathetic at first, but being honest with a trainer about your emotional state could help you go to the gym more often. How does it work? When your trainer realizes the reason of your visit, he or she can design a workout routine or a fitness plan that involves meditation activities with other participants, such as yoga or pilates. If you are too shy to try the above, you might want to enlist yourself on a Tae Kwan Do or Aikido class. Being able to release that negative energy in a positive way is far more beneficial than relying on happy pills, right? In addition, your self-esteem also gets a boost.

6. Talk to a trusted person. When a family member is not an option and if you are someone who does not have a lot of friends, it might help to have a place to do the “talking”. Self-talk in front of the mirror is advisable but could only help to some extent. If you have the means, you may consult with a counselor, but if this is not realistic enough for you, find some support forum online, such as a Women’s Forum or a Men’s Forum. These  communities have moderators and members who are very supportive and friendly. They offer a wide range of topics that could be of interest to you.

7. Do some self-improvement, as needed. When you are emotionally better and ready to re-evaluate your situation, you may start reading self-help books. You want to improve yourself because you wanted to and not because of that person who is no longer part of your life. You want to be the best that you can be because whether you like it or not, you tend to attract the person you already are. So if you want to find a better person for a lifetime partner, start with yourself.

Depending on your goal – whether you want to have that someone back or not, these baby steps would help you stay on your toes while you are otherwise helpless. Finding yourself in the midst of all the confusion can be frustrating, but once you succeed, you will surely be rewarded with the best self that you can become, and the best partner that you deserve. Be patient. Time would help you heal.

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