Apr 13

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Dealing With Difficult Men: What to Do?

Relationships are so complex and hard to fathom. There are so many factors that need to be considered in our day-to-day dealings with each other. Aside from personal preferences and DNA-dictated characteristics,  studies show that gender plays a crucial role in how an individual operates.

In his book, “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex“, Dr. John Gray established the differences of how men are driven to hunt or go for the chase and how they are more inclined to “do ” things rather than peruse their emotions as often as women would. On the other hand, women are more inclined to focus on how they feel and doing so tend to create a misunderstanding between a couple if they are unaware of their dynamic differences.

Researchers and relationship counselors alike agree that there exists gender differences, hence, understanding this might help bridge the gap, foster compromise and understanding in order to avoid possible break-ups or divorce. But what do you do if your man is toxic? How do you know if your partner is toxic or difficult to deal with?

The fact that you are reading this article may have little to say, but your interest in this kind of topic may indicate that you encounter some rough spots with your partner once in a while and that is normal. If you are in an abusive relationship, take heart. You are not alone. However, it is not advised that you stay in such partnership because it is not healthy for both of you.

When you are in a situation where things do not feel right because your partner does not care as much as you do, should you push him to caring more? What most women do as a mistake is to directly approach the spouse and address the matter right away. While this approach may succeed, in most cases, change is not always guaranteed.

Due to recent developments, I was compelled to do an experiment and I used some of the suggestions offered in the book,  “Let’s Face it, Men are @$$#%\e$”: What Women Can Do About It” by Dr. Joseph Rock and Dr. Barry Duncan. What worked for me might not work for you but feel free to try it yourself. You can also get a copy of the book to scrutinize for yourself.

If the issue is related to addiction or any form of self-medication and/or abuse, you must seek professional help right away. But under normal circumstances, you may be fine trying things out as long as you see it as an experiment.

1. Your partner complains and tells you he misses his bachelor days, being on his own where he can do whatever he wanted to do, whenever he wants to without worrying about anybody else but him. He doesn’t necessarily tells you to back off but that’s what the message conveys in a subtle way.

What to do: Give him what he wants and more of it. Focus on your personal growth. If you are working, you might want to fit in some time to go workout or attend a yoga class. If possible, further your education or pursue a new hobby. Doing anything so that you shift your focus on you would make a tremendous impact on how he treats you.  By removing the pressure on him to treat you the way you wanted him to, he would become more inclined to reevaluate his behavior and would be more likely to show more attention and affection to you.

2. He doesn’t help around the house and wants for you to wait on him each and everyday of your waking moment. He doesn’t have the initiative to pick up the slack nor the guts to do small favors you ask of him.

What to do: Prepare his favorite meal but “forget” an important ingredient. If you do that laundry and even have to fold them yourself, “forget” where the other pair of his socks and apologize for not doing a good job – but still, “forget” something or misplace his lucky shirt. Do not treat him like a child for you are not his mom. His immature behavior has to stop and telling him to do so wouldn’t help. Subtle ways such suggested may effect desired change.

There are tons of suggestions for various types of men that Dr. Rock and Dr. Duncan laid out in the book listed above. I am in my second month of experimenting with their suggestions and so far, positive changes are being observed. Not that my spouse is being difficult but men can be in general – just because. Meanwhile, on men’s point of view, women are equally complicated. Cheers.





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